


The One Where Souda Fucks A Car

by traceExcalibur



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Mechaphilia, Other, Sex with a Car
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-01
Updated: 2013-10-01
Packaged: 2017-12-28 04:14:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/987527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traceExcalibur/pseuds/traceExcalibur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Hinata is, for what feels like his hundredth time in dealing with Souda, left in stunned silence. "You're going to steal a car," he says, finally. "You're going to steal a car, and fuck it."</p>
</blockquote>Say whatever else you will about Kazuichi Souda, you've got to admit he's a determined man. He's got a goal, he's got a plan, and he's got a Dekhyr Dragon Industries (Teledildonics Division) Sexual Interface Unit.
            </blockquote>





	The One Where Souda Fucks A Car

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sorry

The police station is cramped and dingy, manned by only a few officers and seemingly no janitor. Everything creaks at once when Hinata opens the door and steps inside. The entry is empty except for a few benches and tables, a counter, and a dying houseplant in the corner. The receptionist, the only sign of life in the place, looks up from her counter immediately and smiles.

"Can I help you with anything?"

Hinata walks toward the desk, glancing about at the dreary surroundings. "I got a call about one of my friends," he says. "Apparently, he needs me to pick him up. Kazuichi Souda?"

The receptionist starts looking through their arrest records, and it doesn't take long to find his name.

"Ah, here we go. Public indecency?" she asks.

Hinata sighs. "Yeah, that's the one."

The receptionist calls in one of the officers, and nods toward Hinata. "He's here about the public indecency charge. The boy from Hope's Peak?"

The officer, a burly man with a no-nonsense frown, grunts and stares Hinata down. Hinata finds himself trembling and shrinking away from the strength of the glare, but it eases up soon enough, and the officer nods.

"The Academy took care of his legal issues, so I guess I've got no choice but to let him go with you." He scowls as he pulls out his keys and motions for Hinata to follow him. "We've got him in a cell in the back. The kid spent all night crying, going on about how he wouldn't last long in prison.

"That does sound like Souda."

"You know him well, then?" The officer asks, and Hinata nods. "Then tell me, kid... what on _Earth_ made him think it was a good idea to _fuck a car?_ "

Hinata has no answer. He's not sure he even wants to know.

  


* * *

  


It is nearly two weeks prior when the trouble begins. Souda and Hinata are hanging out, and hanging out, in this case, means that Hinata is trying his best to read a book while Souda looks up cars on the internet and insists on talking loudly about them.

"Yo, man," Souda says, looking up from the computer. "I gotta get me one of these for my car."

The last thing Hinata needs is to hear about some new piece of car technology, especially since Souda tends to solicit his donations to buy them. He responds half-heartedly, barely looking up from his novel. "One of what?"

"It's called a Dekhyr Dragon Industries (Teledildonics Division) Sexual Interface Unit."

Hinata runs each word through his head, one at a time. ' _Dekhyr Dragon Industries'_ , he's never heard of them... _'Tele-'_ , of course, means over a distance, and _'Dildonics'_... wait. Oh, no. Oh _god_ no. The comprehension dawns on him slowly, horrifyingly, and by the time he finds his voice it's too late. Souda has already clicked "purchase".

His fate has been sealed.

  


* * *

  


It is almost a week later when Hinata hears more about Souda's quest. He's minding his own business, having a perfectly nice night, when a message pops up in the corner of his screen.

mechanicool23: yo dude this is fuckin bull

mechanicool23: turns out the guy sellin those car units aint actually makin em anymore

mechanicool23: says he gave up the biz years ago

mechanicool23: wtf is his thing still doing up online then google u fuckin liar

hinata_hajime: That's too bad, I guess.

hinata_hajime: You'll have to give it up.

hinata_hajime: It could only have ended poorly. Trust me.

mechanicool23: MAN WHO DO YOU THINK I AM

mechanicool23: i am not giving this one up

mechanicool23: his site still has a guide on how 2 make ur own!!!! >:]

hinata_hajime: Souda.

hinata_hajime: Please, for your own sake, don't do this.

mechanicool23: yo man you cant stand between a dude n his dream

mechanicool23: what kinda soul friend are u huh

mechanicool23: so like btw

mechanicool23: can u spot me some money 4 the supplies

\-- hinata_hajime is now idle! –

mechanicool23: hinata

mechanicool23: u there buddy

mechanicool23: ah well ill find someone else 2 borrow it from im sure ur busy w/

mechanicool23: well w/ whatever it is u do

mechanicool23: talk 2 you later pal

  


* * *

  


The next day, hoping to dissuade him, Hinata comes with Souda on his expedition to visit the local junkyard and "scope out the choice babes". The junkyard owner seems to recognize Souda, giving him a friendly wave as the two enter the yard. While Souda runs around gleefully, Hinata follows behind and glances around with vague disinterest, mind ill-equipped to examine the cars and their rusty, beat-up old parts.

"Oh, oh, check this out, Hinata! Look at the shape of this muffler, mmn... oh, and take a look at her! What a paintjob!"

"Yeah... listen, Souda—"

Souda brushes him off, bending down to examine a broken old gear-shift. "Hinata, if you're tryin' to get me to change my mind, it won't work. I'm dead-set on this! It's my _dream_ , man!"

"I just think—"

"That I'm going about this the wrong way, I _know!"_

"I'm just saying," Hinata persists. "That you should really try this with your own car, first, instead of running off and—"

"Hinata, I _told_ you. My car is a piece of junk, I couldn't afford anything better at the time. And why would you pay for the five-buck stripper when you can get the five-hundred buck one for free?"

"I'm... not really the kind of guy to buy a stripper in the first place."

"Listen, pal," Souda says, sounding rather irritated. "I've got everything under control. It'll be just fi—oh, hot _damn_."

Souda stops dead in his tracks, staring at an intact car which sits in the corner of the lot. It has a sleek black paint-job, with wavy green-blue stripes that stretch along the sides. Hinata doesn't know much about cars, but this one looks rather old, and in surprisingly good shape.

"Now, this is the kind of car I can get behind. I visit her a lot, just to admire her... I call her Princess," Souda says, patting the car on the trunk. "Ain't she a beauty? Sure, she's kind of getting on in years, and the horsepower is nothin' to write home about, but look at the gorgeous suspension! The way the paint flows across her body like a flowery tattoo! The rounded design of the headlights – you don't see this in all those newer, cookie-cutter cars they pump out."

"Right," Hinata says, nodding his head as though he understands. "Listen, Souda, it—"

"She, Hinata! She!"

"...she's nice looking, and all, but do you really think the junkyard owner is going to just let you... well, you know... _have_ her?"

All of a sudden Souda's eyes are darting around shiftily, and he pulls Hinata's head down, leaning in real close.

"They won't have to know, if I... borrow her, for a night."

Hinata is, for what feels like his hundredth time in dealing with Souda, left in stunned silence. "You're going to steal a car," he says, finally. "You're going to steal a car, and fuck it."

"We're not going _far_ ," Souda protests. And I'll take her right back once we've had our fun."

Hinata sighs and shakes his head. "Can't you wait until you've bought your own car?"

But Souda returns his own sigh. "You just don't get it, Hinata. You just don't understand."

"No, I don't," says Hinata, and with nothing else to add, he drops the subject, praying for Souda to change his mind.

  


* * *

  


Souda doesn't.

One night, after midnight, he slips out of his house and steals away to the junkyard to meet his destiny. He finds Princess lying where she always does, out by the pile of rusty mufflers. One of the doors is a little loose, and if you wiggle it just where she likes it, it pops right open. Souda slips inside, and pats the dashboard lovingly.

"Soon," he whispers.

One of the rather surreptitious benefits to his talent is the ability to hotwire cars. It takes him only a few moments to get her started up, engine thrumming and beating, car warming. He gently eases her out of the junkyard and leads her toward the hill which overlooks it. This late at night, he's not likely to be seen, and the sight... oh, won't it be romantic? He is sure she would love it, if she were sentient.

Once he reaches the top of the hill, he turns the car off and gets outside. He leaves the emergency brake off – he can't very well leave her shaking with the brake on, can he? After a furtive glance around to assure himself that they will be alone and undisturbed, he slips behind her, gives her trunk a longing stare, and takes a deep breath. The moment of truth is at hand.

Souda pulls out a bottle of lubricant (thankfully, it is not _engine_ lubricant) and his custom-made tube. He squirts it full with the lube, getting it nice and slippery, and after a bit of fumbling he slides it into the car's exhaust. With an erection already pressing against his underwear, Souda disrobes quickly. His cock twitches in the evening air, eager and anxious. The car lies before him, nude except for her glossy paint, trunk bared for him. Without any hesitation, he bends down, positions himself, and thrusts into the tailpipe.

_Heaven._

That's the only way to describe how it feels, to finally become one with her. All at once, Souda feels like he knows her intimately, knows every little piece and part that makes her up. The metallic shine of the pipes, the leathery caress of the seats, the thrumming of the engine when it gets turned on – oh, how he _wishes_ he could fuck her while she was running! But this... the tightness of the pipe around his cock, the gorgeous painted metal against his chest, the ecstasy of this pleasure that only few will ever feel... it is enough.

But the tightness alone won't satisfy him. Bent over her trunk, head resting on her backside, Souda begins to thrust. She starts to creak and groan under the weight of his movements, rocking back and forth almost as though bucking her hips against his cock. Confidence growing, Souda picks up speed, and each swing is a surge of heat and thunder through his groin. Oh, the way she moans when he fills her, the sound of his cock sliding in and out, smooth and wet. In his mind, he imagines the soft and sensual hum of the engine, the vibration through the tailpipe.

She's really moving now, bumping up and down from the weight of his thrusts, his hips slamming against her. He is so close to her now, cock buried deep within her. One of his hands slips down to caress her bumper, and she seems to shiver in anticipation. He sees the moon through her windows, and oh, how romantic it is! And when he thrusts, the way she moves and bounces...! Her parts shift around and the trunk unlatches itself, pushing him upwards, almost as though she can barely keep herself under control.

As she loses her composure, so does he. His hips move wildly, swinging in and out, in and out... He feels the rush of cool air along his body in response to his frenzied movements, a sharp contrast to the heat of the pipe. She wraps around his cock, wet and welcoming... _calling_ to him, it feels like. Urging him to fuck her, to fill her completely.

Souda is more than willing to oblige. Without a hint of regret he explodes inside her, coating the tailpipe with his sticky semen. Her creaking sounds almost like a wavering moan, and he can't stop, can't think, can't do anything but keep fucking her. He starts to kiss her, lips planted sloppily on the metal of her trunk, kissing again and again as he thrusts into the pipe, now hot and sticky from his orgasm. His mind barely registers the blissful tears streaming down his face, pooling on her beautiful backside. And just as he starts to think he feels another climax bubbling up... she lurches forward, and starts to roll.

It takes a moment for it to register – the feeling of the car slipping forward, the sudden change from the heat of the pipe to the cool of the night air. He stumbles forward, blinking as his head clears, watching the car trundle forward... and then it hits him, that sudden, horrible sinking feeling: the car is about to roll down the hill.

He rushes forwards as fast as he can, fumbling with the grip on the door as it starts to pick up momentum. He wrenches it open and tries to reach inside only for it to slip out of his reach. As it starts trundling down the hill, Souda finds himself sprinting after it in a panic. But it's too late – door swinging in the air, wheels turning and crushing the grass underfoot, the car starts accelerating beyond his grasp. With a horrible crunch, it crashes through the fence at the bottom of the hill and veers onto the street.

Souda keeps chasing it, desperate, hoping to stop it before the momentum carries it to another slope. Another car screeches and swerves away from the runaway vehicle, and pedestrians – what few are awake at this hour – start to gawk at the spectacle, and the man chasing behind it as fast as he can. Souda dodges past the stopped car and hears the sound of women shrieking as he darts forward. He's just about to reach the car, and stop its rogue journey through the streets, when another realization hits him:

He's still naked.

  


* * *

  


"You can't do this to me, man, you just can't!"

Souda's hands clench tightly down on the bars of the cell, ugly tears streaming down his face.

"Do you know what they do to guys like me in prison?!" He screams. "One wrong move and I've got a shiv stuck up my ass, or worse! You gotta let me out, man, you just gotta! I d-didn't mean to hurt anyone... n-nobody was supposed to see..."

His protests are useless on the officer. He at least had the decency to let Souda collect his clothes before taking him down to the station, but he won't budge an inch further.

"Public indecency is a serious problem, kid." He says. "You could have scarred some of those women for life. You're staying here until we get a judge to sort you out."

"Y-You can't...! I... I'm from Hope's Peak, you know! They call me a Super High-school Level Mechanic, s-so... I mean, I'm basically a celebrity, you can't... I gotta..."

He doesn't manage to get any more out between his sobs and sniffles, but the point gets across. Hope's Peak is a very prestigious school, and if word got out that one of their students was arrested for such a crime...

Sighing and shaking his head, the officer heads for the phone.

  


* * *

  


Hinata did not want to be woken up by a three AM phone call. He did not want to listen to Souda sobbing and sniffling over the shoddy connection, going on about how he had been unjustly arrested for "just having a bit of fun". He did not want to agree to pick him up the next day.

But he did, and now here he is standing with an officer in front of the cell where Souda sleeps fitfully, his jumpsuit stained with snot and tears.

"Your friend is lucky he's a Hope's Peak kid," the officer says, frowning. "He deserves a lot more time than he got for pulling the stunt he did."

Hinata nods, sympathetic to his Souda problems. "Graduating that school is supposed to bring you a lot of success, but I guess you can't teach common sense. I'll make sure he doesn't do it again."

"Good."

The officer unlocks the cell door and wraps loudly on the bars. Souda's eyes spring open and he scrambles to his feet with a yelp, goggling around for a moment before his eyes focus on Hinata.

"H-Hinata! Pal, buddy, friend of my soul! I... I thought nobody was gonna come for me, for a while there..." Souda blinks back tears and throws his arms around Hinata, chest heaving. Feeling rather nonplussed, Hinata returns the hug, only for Souda to push him away a moment later. "What took ya so fuckin' long, anyway? I could have rotted in there!!"

"Souda, I told you I wouldn't be able to make it until noon..."

"Right, right," Souda says, bouncing on his heels and barely listening. "Man, this is gonna make a great story, hey? I spent time in a real, actual jail!"

"No, you didn't! You spent time in a cell at the police station, and... look, you don't want anyone finding out what you got arrested for, trust me."

"Yeah, yeah. I still don't see the big deal."

With the officer shaking his head behind them, Hinata and Souda exit the precinct and make their way to Hinata's car. With a push of his key fob, Hinata unlocks and opens the doors, and then pauses for a moment to stare suspiciously at Souda, whose eyes are locked almost greedily on the car.

"Souda, you're not thinking about..."

Souda splutters and looks up at Hinata. "What? Oh, come on, man! What kind of creep do you think I am?" He opens the door, slides inside, and buckles himself up. As Hinata turns the keys and the engine roars to life, Souda sighs and leans against the back of his seat. "I mean, really. You don't fuck another man's girl without asking him permission first, jeez!"

  


* * *

  


hinata_hajime: So, I don't suppose you've heard about what Souda did last night.

hinata_hajime: I told him to keep quiet about it, but I'm sure the story is going to leak anyway.

gamegrl.exe: No, I haven't heard anything.

gamegrl.exe: What happened?

hinata_hajime: There's really no way to sugar-coat this.

hinata_hajime: He... tried to fuck his car.

gamegrl.exe: Hm. I don't think I've ever heard of someone doing that.

gamegrl.exe: Is it normal?

gamegrl.exe: Wanting to have sex with a vehicle?

hinata_hajime: No, Nanami. It's not.

hinata_hajime: I can't think of anyone but him who would do something like that.

hinata_hajime: And I can't understand it at all. Why would ANYONE want to fuck an inanimate object?

gamegrl.exe: Don't they make toys for that purpose?

hinata_hajime: Well... I mean, something that's not meant to be used for sex.

gamegrl.exe: Oh.

gamegrl.exe: ...

gamegrl.exe: Hm...

gamegrl.exe: Some of my game controllers have fairly alluring shapes...

hinata_hajime: oh my god

\-- hinata_hajime has signed off --

gamegrl.exe: Hinata-kun?

gamegrl.exe: Did I... say something wrong?

**Author's Note:**

> a special thank you to my friend Vector for previewing the fic, and also helping to inspire it in the first place!  
> an additional special thank you to you, the reader, for going with me on this wonderful journey into the land of car fucking


End file.
